Where's My Damn Money!?

Models who work for us get paid in two ways, in cash on the day of the shoot and a monthly royalty check if they enter into a contract with us. These checks are mailed to the models each month, every month as long as there's any money they are owed.

My phone rang about an hour ago with an irate model on the other end of the line. This phone call started off with "where's my damn money?" No hello, no "how ya doin", no polite inquiry as to the status of her check... just yelling. I should say that this behavior isn't totally out of character for this girl, she's a bit of a bitch. She's quite convinced she's the best thing that's ever happened to the planet and expects all men to bow down to her beauty.

I don't bow down to a girl we're paying.

Can you guess what happened? She moved, and of course she didn't tell us about it. She had just expected us to somehow "know" about her move and to adjust automatically. Funny how she wasn't able to explain just how we should have known.

We're not talking about a small check, her royalties can cover her house note, car note and a trip to Bloomingdale's with some change left over. You'd think this would be important enough to her that she would have made a point to let us know where she was. This is also a girl we've been paying for several years, so she knows we always pay on time.

No polite inquiry, no "how ya doing", just a "where's my damn money?"

Her site isn't cleared for us to discuss by name, which is a shame since I'd love to post a very unflattering picture of her right now.

The Morning After

Last night was quite an adventure, and I really wasn't expecting much usable content to emerge from that session. After all, how much can you do when the model can't smile? Still... we did shoot over 1000 pictures so there should be something we can use in that batch.

It's worse than I thought it would be, I'm guessing there are less than 50 actual good pictures in the bunch. I could stretch that into 100... maybe... but in either case that was a lot of time and money spent for very little material. Needless to say we won't be making a full site based around Jennifer which is a shame because she really was a good girl to work with.

I'll put some of the pictures up here in the gallery so you can see what I'm talking about, just so you don't think we're bullshitting you.

Jennifer's First Shoot

Today was our first shoot with Jennifer, the girl we interviewed last week. First shoots can be just as nervous for us as the model. We never know if we're going to all of the effort for nothing, and we have no idea how the model is going to act or move. We often encounter unexpected surprises.

We rent a very small hotel suite, by our normal standards, since this is a first timer and the only girl we're shooting today. That way if she stands us up, we're out a minimal amount of money. We find the hotel and it's really small. It has a swimming pool that isn't much larger than a good bath tub. But the room has some interesting aspects with a bannister separating the bedroom from the living room and a chest in front of a mirror that we will definitely use for some shots. Overall it's not very impressive, but meets our needs for this shoot nicely.

We stock the fridge, unpack all of the lights, setup tripods and video cameras, load everything with tape, get the computer read to dump memory cards, and all of the other setup details that have to be dealt with. After that's done we settle in to watch a little TV and wait for our model. We dont have to wait long, she calls about 30 minutes early.

So far so good, not only does she show, she's early.

First time shoot, so we ask the model to bring a few outfits. She does, but mostly neglects the detail of underwear. No problem, we always come prepared. You can only imagine the reactions a couple of fat guys get buying stuff in a variety of sizes from Victoria's Secret gets. And if that's not bad enough, we have to explain to the accountants why we buy so much sexy clothing for women and why it's tax deductible.

Anyhow, we layout what we want for the first set and photograph her as she strips out of what she wore to the shoot. It's like unwrapping a christmas present.

As she's down to the undies we notice two tattoos. Pardon me while I rant. This is a fad that has to stop. Nothing worse than grafitti on a beautiful girl. I blame Tommy Lee for the whole thing. He's a tattoo'd freak, and when he hooked up with Pam Anderson, he got her into ink as well. For most of the 90's she was one of the prototypes for beauty in America and young girls consequently mimic'd her with the ink. Have fun explaining to your grandkids why the top of your ass crack says "JUICY" when you're 50.

Ok, Jennifer has tatts, but again, we'll work around it. As she unhooks the bra, we get a nice pair of tits and nipples. They're natural, not too large, not too small. Just a bit of sag, but very lickable. The belly has just a touch of what can only be called a beer gut, but looks fine other than in positions where she cant suck it in. And hey, who are WE to criticize a beer gut? Finally the panties drop and we're treated to a hint of a bush and a very very nice round ass.

Richard is running the shoot and snapping stills. I'm hanging back well on the other side of the room til the girl gets a bit more comfortable running video. We dont like to crowd a girl the first time with both of us crawling right up in there for those gynecological close ups. But my video camera has one hell of a zoom lense on it. And yes, as Richard has her naked and spread, you can bet I'm using it.

This is where things start getting weird. First thing I'm noticing is a very strange looking pussy. It looks like the thing has been stitched up! Now I'm trying to be subtle but figure out what the heck is going on there. I finally figure it out. This girl doesn't know how to shave! She apparently just zoomed it all off with the clippers this morning but didn't "detail" it. There's hair inbetween the inner and outer lips, and it's lapping over giving her crack a bit of a Frankenstein kinda look.

Still no problem, we can work around all of this. So we keep shooting, using all of the outfits she brought and everything in the room. The chest in front of the mirror means we had to put some butt prints on that mirror. This is a time honored tradition. We rarely leave a room without putting ass prints on either a mirror or the windows.

Then, as she's getting comfortable and really starting to loosen up, it happened. She laughed. Both Richard and myself paused and shuddered, but kept our professionalism and kept shooting. But we saw them. It's not just a broken tooth.

SHE HAS FERENGI TEETH!

How the hell could a girl that cute have teeth so bad? They all go in different directions and many are broken. They aren't yellow like they were unbrushed forever, and even if you never saw a toothbrush they wouldn't fall out at that young of an age. No signs of tracks of a crack whore or needle marks from diabetes. Who knows, but this girl needs thousands of dollars of dental work before she smiles for a camera again. I mean, an English guy would take one look at this girl's grill and go "BLOODY HELL!".

We finish the shoot and tenatively setup another, but Richard and myself are really going to have to study these pics hard and see if we can come up with a way to use a girl who cant smile in photographs.

Just another day at the office....

Can I Borrow A Subway Token?

What a day we had yesterday. It was Lexie day.

So we lined up a shoot, rented a nice suite, and we're supposed to meet Dickhead and Lexie. Dickhead calls. He says our girl isn't gonna shoot unless she can get paid something today. He wants to borrow money from us to pay her. Yeah, ok, whatever, just get the damned girl here. Oh, but wait for it, it gets better. He wants us to pick him up at the subway station.

And that's not all! We're to act as though we work for him in front of the girl, she's to think that we're part of his company. Ok, we're to loan the guy money, we pick him up at the subway in one of our cars (Lexus, Mercedes, Corvette, take your pick depending on who is driving), and we're supposed play step and fetch it in front of the girl. Somehow, no one snaps, the word to him is still just get the damned girl here.

Now we're sitting in the suite, we've hauled up the lights and equipment, and we're waiting on him and the girl. GonZo's phone rings. We knew this was coming. The girl has blown up on him and aint coming. Basically she's figured out he's full of shit. He's handling it all wrong, threatening her with breech of contract and such. At this point, he's lost her, we want a chance to make a save and GonZo wisely tells Dickhead to give him her damned number and let's see if we can save the situation. He does.

He's out at this point, he's lost the deal and can bring nothing but harm. Now the goal is for us to get in front of the girl and try to detox her and do business the RIGHT way.

GonZo makes the call and is met with some resistence but manages to at least dangle some money in front of her and gets her to agree to meet us for dinner. She's only available for a late dinner, and it's like 4 in the afternoon. Ok, fine. So we're stuck pulling pecker, we end up having a bad ass Costco hotdog to hold us over while doing a bit of shopping. We end up back at the suite watching Larry the Cable Guy to pass the rest of the time. So by the time dinnertime rolls around, we're ready to "git er done!".

She shows up with her boyfriend at dinner, and yes she's hot....she's hella hot. We can tell they're very apprehensive. We later learn that they showed up under the assumption we were associated with Dickhead, and they were going to just politely tell us not interested. But apparently with a bit of professionism, courtesy and honesty we made a good impression. They stayed for dinner and we all had a good laugh making fun of Dickhead's antics. As we suspected, he's been lying and working her from the minute he met her, and also lying to us about finding her. She was referred to him.

We tell her how it really is, show her we are what we purport to be and generally treat her with respect and as a potential business partner. We also know she's been jerked around, so we put a little money in her pocket by buying the release of the sets that GonZo shot.

We received every indication that she's willing to work with us and let us build a site around her. We sent her home with one of our contracts to review, and we'll see if we can come to terms and shoot her within the next week. We're optimistic. All she really wanted is what she deserves, which is to be dealt with honestly and professionally.

As for Dickhead, we're done, he's done. If we have our way he wont be contaminating any more girls. And we've let Lexie know to send him our way if he calls her starting any shit. If he wants to sue, dont sing it, bring it. Any referral fee he was due was used up with the costs we laid out for the shoot he didn't deliver. In fact, if he gives us any crap at all we'll send him an invoice. Though I'm not sure I wanna be paid in subway tokens.

Jennifer Rescheduled

Tomorrows scheduled shoot with Jennifer has been moved to Friday instead due to "something with my roommate."

This could either be a fight with her boyfriend, an actual issue with her roommate, or a monthly visitor. In any case, we had Friday available and gave her the date instead of taking some time off and going to the movies. The things we do to see naked girls.

Interviewing New Model Jennifer

After a week or so of not receiving a lot of hot leads on new talent, we finally received a live one. Her name is Jennifer. We received a couple of sample photos, which are low quality but show some promise. And we find out she's done some swimsuit contests, so that's a sign that she has a nice body and is proud of it.

Jennifer also lives a ways out of the city. This is another good sign. When it comes to models, getting girls who have not been exposed to the big city is the equivalent of picking them fresh off the vine. They're typically much less psychotic.

So we agree to interview Jennifer at a local Starbucks. The interview is a bit of a test. First thing is we want to see if she'll show up. A lot of girls get cold feet, but if they'll at least show up to meet us for an interview, odds are better they'll actually show up at the shoot. If they do get cold feet, we have a cup of coffee, bitch about it a little and go home. It's annoying, but not near as annoying as having a site secured to shoot, dragging out all of the lighting equipment, etc, and THEN getting stood up. The interview also lets us see the girl in person and for her side of things lets her see we're not creeps, or at least that we're not wearing hockey masks and toting machetes or anything.

We get to the agreed meeting location 30 minute early, so we can get a table with some privacy. We've prepared the girl as much as we can. She knows what we're wearing, has the address and a map link of the Starbucks, and she has our cell number. 15 minutes after the arranged time, we're cracking jokes about being stood up and figuring out where to go feed our face and finally the phone rings. She's wonder where we're at? Turns out she went to another Starbucks on the same road but a few miles from the one we gave her the address for and directions to. Wanna take pictures of naked women? You learn to take this stuff in stride. We told her to stay put and drove down to her.

A few minutes later we're at the other coffee shop, and we meet her. She looks much better than her pics. She's also wearing shorts and we note decent legs and a very nice butt. We lay down the deal and what our expectations are. She has a few questions, but everything goes extremely well.

We do find out that she's an ex-dancer. Oh well, so much for picking one straight off the vine! We've shot a lot of strippers. That's good and bad. Good thing is they have no hang ups about getting naked, they are not shy. Bad thing is they can be quite flakey. They often look at guys simply as prey to extract money from, and the lifestyle can make them lazy and irresponsible in some cases.

I'm sitting on one side and Richard is sitting on the other while we're talking to her and I notice something that catches my eye when she laughs. By being a bit late it's starting to get dark outside, and she shuts her mouth very quickly each time. But I clearly saw a broken tooth on the side I'm sitting on. Richard is busy setting up the shoot, so I assume it isn't bad enough for him to notice on his side which indicates we can shoot around it with the camera and worst case fix it in post production.

The shoot is on for Monday evening after she gets off work. And after comparing notes with Richard about what I saw with her teeth, as I suspected he didn't see anything from his side. So hopefully it's a non-issue and we'll shoot around it. And we'll see how she looks naked on Monday.

Dealing with a Dickhead

It happened sooner than expected.

I'm cruising down the highway on my way to buy an overpriced hotel steak that will give me some horrible gas when the phone rings. It's GonZo. The Dickhead who has Lexie has figured out he may be in over his head, and he's looking to deal. So I conference in Richard, and we get the story while GonZo is talking to the guy via IM.

The girl is getting antsy for money. He's also figured out that it's not so easy to get processing setup when you have no money or credit. And furthermore he's bitching about the amateur lighting that GonZo shot the girl with. This is where we get to stick our foot in the door. We can solve all of these problems.

We let it be known we're willing to do the whole thing and pay him a referral fee. He says he's already been offered $4K. We call that bluff and tell him to take it. This dickhead is so full of shit, he hems and haws and says he doesn't like those people and would rather deal with us. Yeah, ok, whatever.

Next up, although he brings absolutely nothing to the table other than an introduction to the hottie, he wants 40% of the revenue, and he wants to retain all the contractual rights and relationship with the girl. He'll pay the girl out of his share. Ok, so the guy who has no money is in charge of payroll to the girl, the key to keeping her happy and involved. That aint gonna happen either. We quickly figure out the guy is desperate to hang on, has no clue and is a chronic liar. He's giving us some shit that the girl only wants to deal with him, so he has to be the sole interface to her.

We do detect he's desperate for some more pics so he can try to build the site, and he's not happy with what GonZo shot. So instead of trying to deal with him there, we decide we'd like to just get in front of him and girl and see where it all goes. We throw him a bone and offer to do a free test shoot with her to see how she moves, we'll pick up the costs of the location and shoot her with pro lighting.

He bit, so we're on for this weekend. This could get interesting.

Family Reuion Season

We try to accomodate our girls as much as possible. And the ones we've been shooting lately have asked for weekend shoots to accomodate their work and school schedules. This is no problem for us and in some ways we kinda like it as well as it lets us go for suites in nice business oriented hotels which are either unavailable or way overpriced during the week.

So last weekend we booked both friday and saturday night in an upscale hotel here locally and had shoots lined up. Well, we get there and first off we start feeling very very caucasian. But we also notice that there are kids every freaking where. As we get inside there's a sign that says "Welcome Dyer Family Reunion".

Now this is a family that has really gotten caught up in a bible verse about "be fruitful and multiply" because there are hundreds of them, everywhere. We also notice after waiting 10 minutes for an elevator that only 2 of the 3 elevators in the building are working. When the elevator finally arrives, 40 people pile out of it and grandpa who is at the front of the line lets the door close before any of us can get in. Off the elevator goes back upstairs.

When number 2 arrives, I make sure I position myself to get my arm thru the door before that happens again. I succeed, barely, but once inside I see why the other elevator is broken. The kids are bouncing up and down and generally losing their mind, and they press every freaking button. And wouldn't you know it, our membership in the hotels frequent visitor club has earned us a cozy suite on the very top floor on the back corner.

It gets worse. This hotel has a huge open atrium that is very cool, goes all the way to top. And this makes the kids wanna romp on our floor and peek over into the atrium and yell like banshees. All of this made for a less than optimum shooting experience. And we had two days of it back to back.

Now imagine our surprise THIS weekend when we go to a totally different hotel, again looking forward to our cushy suite and we walk in and see "Welcome Wilson Family Reunion". Oh no! And sure enough, the lobby is filled with screaming kids and only one elevator is working.

If we gotta put up with that, they should at least share the BBQ.

Lexie - the plot thickens

We told you about the new hottie we're tracking named Lexie, well we have some more details.

She shot the other night with our bud GonZo. We go way back with GonZo and partner with him on some projects. He's the opposite of Richard and myself in some ways. We're very low key and keep the porn on the down low. GonZo on the other hand will lay it right out there to anyone and tell 'em he's a porn lord proudly and when appropriate can really play the role. But, he's one of the few people in this business we trust implicitely.

Anyhow, this guy, who we're going to just refer to as "dickhead" for simplicity, is refered to GonZo as someone who can shoot some amateur pics by one of GonZo's acquaintenances. So dickhead has talked all sorts of shit to this 18 year old hottie about how much money he can make for her and she's just come of age and is ready to shoot. He literally wants GonZo to shoot her two days after her 18th birthday.

Now think about this scenario for a moment. He's taking a girl who just turned 18 to a guy's house who she has never met, she's gonna get naked and let him shoot her with no money changing hands. Why is he letting some other guy shoot her? Dickhead doesn't own a camera. Oh, and it gets better, the model has to drive herself, meanwhile dickhead bums a ride from his roommate. He doesn't have a car either.

He didn't even have the decency to hang around and make sure the shoot turned out ok, leaving the girl alone with GonZo at his house. Now, we know that's safe, but we'd never do something like that with one of our models. We've seen the pics though, she's smoking hot as advertised.

We see this ending badly. This dickhead has promised her who knows what and doesn't even have his own car or camera, let alone the money needed to launch a site. We normally would never poach another producer's models, but this guy is a poser, so we'd love to have a talk with Lexie. Our fear is about the time he owes her the first check, this is gonna blow up and she's gonna have a bad taste about the entire business and a potential star is going to just quietly go to waste.

Raw Dawg

Today was the big day for the first shoot with our latest model. First time shoots are always a huge unknown no matter how many times you've done it. Every girl is different, and you never know what to expect. This one took that to some new levels.

First off, she shows up with "Cousin Willy". Scroll down a bit to my entry from last week for the back story on that. The 2 cent version is Cousin Willy really is her cousin, and he's the one who has been taking nekkid pictures of her so far. Oh how we love our southern stereotypes.

Anyhow, we dont allow strange sausage in our shoots for a multitude of reasons, and we're sure not gonna break that for some dude wanting to ogle his cousin. So we tell Cousin Willy to take a powder and send him off to a sports bar to watch Swamp Buggy Races on ESPN2.

The model herself is....colorful. She has a southern drawl that reminds me of an episode of COPS on TV when they were in Alabama. They stopped this lady driving a beat all to hell Camaro who didn't even take the Marlboro out of her mouth while she was telling the cop who pulled her over to kiss her ass. Our girl has that same accent. And unfortunately same taste for the Marlboros.

First thing she wants is a beer. We have to explain that this is a "job", and there's no drinking on the job. We never allow alcohol during our shoots. Not only are there some potential legal implications, but most women do not look very sexy if they're sloppy drunk unless you're also drunk and it's near closing time.

After some pleasantries where we learn she's a single mom (there's a shock!), it's time to get down to business. We finally get a look at it naked. We were right about the ass, it's smoking hot. However we were also right about the tits. They're small and she breast fed. As a result, it looks like someone let the air out of 'em. Again, we like small natural breasts and it's rare we'd say this, but this is one girl who would TRULY benefit from a tit job. They're not terrible....yet. In another couple of years or couple of babies, whichever comes first, she's gonna have a National Geographic thing going on.

She also has a heinous tattoo on her shoulder, it isn't complete yet which makes it worse. And it's gonna be fucking huge. It's too much to dermablend, but the hair might cover it in most shots. It's also large enough that it would be a bitch to photoshop out. We're gonna have to live with it and work around it.

Finally, we found something we had to ask her about. She had multiple fairly fresh scabs on her back. The answer again put us in the floor. She wasn't the least bit embarassed to explain to us that those were carpet burns from where her and her boyfriend had been really "raw dawgin' it" a couple of nights ago.

Around here, she's going to be forever known going forward as "Raw Dawg". And I'm quite sure this isn't the last story featuring the adventures of Raw Dawg and Cousin Willy.

The Quest for Lexie

We've got a line on a new girl named Lexie, and she's smokin hot. We see a lot of naked girls, but what we've seen of this one has us wiping the drool off our chins.

There are some complications with her though as she's not "our" girl, we're just helping someone out by doing some pictures of her. It's a very strange situation, friend of a friend of a guy who knows someone kind of thing. We're still digging into this to get more info, but from I've seen of this so far it looks like the guy who "has" this girl has been lying to her from day one.

If there's one rule we have, it's don't lie to the models. There's no point in it, just tell them what you can offer and if they like it then you strike a deal. If they don't, then just go find someone else. Misleading the girls will come back to bite you in the ass later, so why do it? I really hate it when models are given a line of bullshit to get their clothes off, it just ticks me off.

So the first task is to meet this girl and find out what level of bullshit she's been given and see if she can be detoxed. We're trying to make that happen this week.

She Let WHO Take The Pic?

We have this new model who wants to do a shoot. This one comes in as a referral from a friend of a friend. Apparently she's quite the little wild child and needs money. Sounds like the perfect candidate to us, so we asked for pics.

We received a couple of home grown sample pics. And she is a cutie. It appears she has an outstanding ass, but she's hiding something about the tits. They're obviously small, but she's not giving us a good natural look at them in the pics. Hey, we know all the tricks including the old hold your arms over your head so they dont look like they sag, the side view, the laydown on the bed and prop 'em routine, etc. But no big deal, we like small natural breasts, especially when accompanied by an ass we can rest a beer on.

The sample pics we received were very low quality amateur stuff, but definitely not something shot on a selftimer. Curiousity dictates that we had to ask who took the pics. There's nothing we hate more than a pain in the ass boyfriend who thinks he's a photographer himself. So we're always curious about who is shooting home grown stuff. The answer we got back put us in the floor, they were shot by her cousin, we're gonna call him Cousin Willy.

Upon further examination, it is also of no surprise that the pics themselves were quite obviously taken in a trailer. We're assured that Cousin Willy aint hitting it, and is just trying to help her out.

This is gonna be an interesting one, we shoot her next week.